Madison Area
Christian Singles
( a possibility )
Here is a summary of the ideas in this page: WHY ? WHAT ? WHY NOT ? HOW ? WHO ? MORE |
SAFETY TIPS
Here are some practical tips for safety (most of it repeating
what's in ChristianCafe's safety page) to
supplement the intro-summary above:
•
in your profile, don't
include information that reveals
your
identity, either directly or via google-searching;
•
if you use
a public computer, log off the profile-service and quit the browser;
•
use
a free "throwaway" e-mail address (from Yahoo, MSN, Google, Hotmail, Lycos,...)
instead of your main address;
•
call
from
a public phone instead of your
home phone, to avoid caller-ID tracking;
• arrange to meet in a public place (how about at church?) and don't get in
his
car,...
•
as one way of using CCafe's
tip
to Take Your Time, you can arrange
a
"date" by attending his church to see if he is involved and if other
members
know him, or check his "references" in other ways;
• the dangers
of meeting online don't seem to be more (and might be less) than meeting in many
other
ways;
•
and however you meet, a useful principle is to always use common sense.
10 Dont's for Online Dating (by Lisa for the "Boundless" community run by Focus on the Family)
Also, today — May 29, 2013 (when I wrote the summary above) — an email from Focus on the Family featured an excellent article (by Jim Daly) about online dating generally, with a little bit specifically about safety. (and it links to this by Suzanne)
This possibilities-page was
written by Craig Rusbult (craigru178@yahoo.com)
who attended BlackHawk Church in Madison, and has a bio-page (brief history of my life) and a profile from ChristianCafe.
The rest of this page is a full-length version with more details and some IOUs:
WHY ?
Madison is a great place
to meet people if you're young, especially if you're attending UW (or Edgewood,
MATC,...)
as
a college student or graduate student.*
But
it's tough for anyone over 30, and is even more difficult for Christians
who
don't
want
to get involved in the
singles bar scene. To make things easier and more fun for us, a ministry
that could be useful is Madison Area Christian Singles, MACS. As
indicated in the page title, so far this is only an idea, although (as you'll
see below in "HOW: Group Discussions") soon things could begin
to move, if people think this "hybrid ministry" might be useful.
* a
MACS-type group might also be useful for younger people, to increase the scope
of their social circle and include
more fellow Christians
within it, but this would be separate from an over-30s group.
WHAT ?
The main idea is to combine internet
profiles with occasional in-person
meetings. In addition, maybe we could coordinate opportunities
for informal
activities (hiking, biking, bowling, dancing, dining,...) and smaller
groups (for discussion and support) between general meetings. / update in 2013: Yesterday [May 28], Laura's RSVP-request reminded me about the meeting June 1, and I said "yes, I want to share this MACS-page on the Metro-list tomorrow, and attend Saturday." Today, the focus of an email from Focus on the Family was an excellent article (by Jim Daly) asking "Is Online Dating Biblical?" with a link to more, including this by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin.
Why? The
profiles would make it easier for each person
to quickly learn more about a larger number of people, compared with the
practical limitations (due to limited time) of learning about each person
individually
in
a brief conversation — if you happen to be at the same singles event (and
you're at the same dinner table or you meet them during the mingling) or if you're an effective talker between church services (and you attend the same church) — or never meeting them at all, which is the usual result now.(*) Information
in profiles would provide convenient, efficient starting points for
a wider range of in-person interactions at meetings, or outside meetings.
* Do you view this result — "never meeting them at all" — with the same sadness that I do?
Yes, I agree with you in believing that God can and does "arrange meetings" for us — I've had many experiences of God working through "coincidences" to do His work — but usually God wants to work WITH us when we are active in doing things, instead of doing everything for us. An example is Exodus 17:11, when Moses prayed on a hill above the field where Joshua was defending Israel against attack: "As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning." Moses (praying) and Joshua (fighting) were both essential parts of this process. If we want to meet other Christian singles in Madison, an organized action-plan (for finding each other and communicating) will be helpful, and we can pray for God to help us by working cooperatively with us in our actions.
Much
more could be said, but instead you can think about the possibilities
and you'll see the many potential benefits of a "reading
and meeting" combination,
compared with either by itself, or with the current sad situation for singles.
What is the current situation? During website-checking in June 2009, I found only two singles groups
for
six large
churches
in Madison: Blackhawk
[Metro3040s] and High
Point
[BASIC], plus Bethel
Lutheran [support group for divorced], Lake
City
[50s singles/married], Mad
City
[none,
ex-SALT],
Crossroads
[none] — details & links
update: No, June 2009 isn't very "current" in 2013, so recently (May 29) I began checking — and found that perhaps Metro is now the only group in Madison? — and will share the information I find.
WHO ?
Who can join us? any
single Christian
in the Madison area.
Who will do the work? I
can write basic web-pages with text & links, but having someone help with artistic design would
be very useful. If we provide a database for "who
is interested in what kinds of activities" we'll need someone who can
do this. As explained below, if we make a free database with local profiles, this would require someone who knows "how to do this" and would be willing to do it.
HOW-and-WHO:
For
the "how" of internet profiles, there are
two
main options; probably B is more practical, and it would require the least extra work-time for the "who" that would do the work.
A) We can set up a
website with a database as a no-cost
service,
with
volunteers doing the extra work (beyond making the basic web-pages) needed to produce the database and make it as secure as possible, and put
everything on a webserver.
B) We can agree
that we'll all use one or more existing services. The basic service for MACS should be FREE. I'll continue checking the possibilities (in late-May 2013) but in June 2009 the best I found (mainly during a semi-comprehensive search in 2007) is Christian Date. (update: I checked it May 29, and it's still online, soon I'll check it more thoroughly for details) Their profiles are fairly good, with basic-info answers, plus a "brief statement" and an open-ended essay, and you can post 2 photos; their "search" is especially useful because it lets you find only profiles from Madison (or any other area) or for larger areas. Since 2007 they have begun asking for donations [I'll check this now, in May 2013], but payment is voluntary and the profiles-and-contacting are still offered for free. / We should not use a paid service as the foundation for MACS. { But I personally think a paid service (many are available) can be useful. Some websites (like Christian Cafe or ChristianMingle) are specifically Christian, and others (eHarmony, match,...) allow you to focus on finding other Christians. I mainly use Christian
Cafe [in 2009] because it has informative profiles (see end
of page for mine) and their "searching" has many useful options and
is easy to use. For me, and many other busy people with "more to do than time to do it," a high-quality
paid service is a good "time
versus
money" investment, but for MACS a free service is better because this will make it easier for more of us to say YES, and will eliminate any suspicion that the motivation for MACS is money. }
B seems more practical, because it will be
easier
in
the beginning
and also on a continuing basis. But A might be very good (alone or to supplement B) if we have a volunteer who knows how to do it, and will.
If we do B, we'll still have a basic website (without profiles-and-database) to coordinate and communicate, and make available (through links) useful web-resources for quality Christian living and spiritual edification. Probably we would make a website so several people have access to it, for contributing and editing, to make this an "us" activity and avoid overworking any of us.
With either option for profiles, we'll need help with in-person meetings.
HOW ?
PROFILES: These
include a personal description (whatever
you want to share, no
more and no less) and pictures.
security: Personal
safety
is
a valid concern, especially for women, in our sinful world. But common
sense
can minimize risks that are specific to internet communication. For example,
ChristianCafe.com
has a safety
page suggesting that you Take Your Time, Use Common Sense, Meet in a Public
Place, and more. {an IOU - We can write our own "safety
tips" page, summarizing ideas from other sources and making links to safety-pages
we
think
are especially good. more about safety tips } But
I don't think the
risks
are
greater
for
web-profile meetings than for many types of in-person meetings; for either, common sense is
a key, and of course each of us should pray for protection, asking God to
protect us and give us wisdom; then we must live by faith, as in all areas of
life.
DISCUSSION: Before
we make decisions and take action, we'll have discussions (in small groups or in a larger community) about foundational
questions — what is the current situation in
Madison for
individual
single Christians (in a variety of life situations) and for church-based workers (ministering
in different ways), and how would we like the situation to be? — and the pros & cons
of various options
for improving our situations. [update: A good beginning could be the meeting about Metro on June 1.] [Please consider the next sentence, and the "communication" paragraph, to be outdated ideas from years ago; evidently I wrote this before the Metro-list was running? Well, this could be done better by other people, and I think it already is. If we do something, it should be done through "the community" led by people who are leaders in the local community, with the cooperation of local churches.] Sometime soon (in mid-to-late August) [of 2008? 2009?] I'll probably set up an email-list with Yahoo or Google or... (if you have suggestions for which is best, please let me know) and will try to reach people who might be interested, to say "we'll start a discussion soon" and let them sign up for it.
communication: For the community as a whole, we can use an email "reflector" list, so each post-to-the-list is automatically
sent to everyone on the list. This could be an existing email list, or a new list. Or maybe use Facebook, or ... / For individuals, if we use Plan B the person-to-person communication can
be done within the external profile-website, or through personal emails. (see the safety tips)
MEETINGS: Having
meetings occasionally (maybe once a
month?) would help get a "critical mass" of attendees and make it an easier
decision
to say "yes, this will be a good use
of my valuable
time"
when (because enough people are attending) there is a good chance to meet
interesting people, have fun, and maybe find a mate. Meetings
could be viewed in two ways: 1) as simply a way to allow in-person meetings
with
people
whose profiles we've read; 2) as a social event with planned activities,
with "mixer" games and/or a speaker,..., similar to what is done now in current singles groups like Metro or BASIC. Everything would be similar to current meetings, but (probably) with more people involved.
#1 is easier. But #2 offers some additional benefits. Either
way, name
tags would be essential so we can know "who
is who"
and make socializing easier, and for connecting profiles with people. Having soft drinks (and maybe simple snacks) would probably be good, but not essential. My
preference is #1, especially at the start (to keep it simple and avoid
overworking people who are doing the work)
but
I
can
imagine
a
variety
of
fun-and-useful
formats
for
meetings,
so
I'm
flexible
and open to a variety of ideas. Anyway, it will be us (not me) who
decides
what
happens, or if nothing happens.
activities: For
informal activities and discussions, a MACS-website could include a page of
things
to do, and who
likes to do what, and who wants to talk about what, with
times/places for events that are arranged by organized singles groups or informally
by individuals, as in the current list for MetroAktive. {plus Blackhawk Affinity Groups, and other activities around Madison}
PUBLICITY: This is important. We
can work with existing singles groups who, if they want, can help persuade
people in other churches in the Madison area (broadly defined) to
tell
their single
adults about
MACS, verbally or in print or on the web. If a church does this, an official "involvement" wouldn't be necessary,
we would just ask them to provide information for people who attend
their
church, and let individual people do what they want. MACS could be listed in the Events Calendar of WNWC radio, and maybe (or maybe not; we can discuss the pros & cons) we
can put "personal ads" in local secular newspapers such as Isthmus, over-50s
papers,... / We can try to contact members of existing internet services (like Christian Cafe) who
already are persuaded about the benefit of internet profiles. But
it might be difficult to contact them, since the for-profit services want to
protect their profit by keeping their paying members on
their
own service.
ACTION: If you're interested in forming a group to explore possibilities,
make decisions, and take action, email me — (craigru178@yahoo.com or ) — and
we'll get things moving. Initially, DISCUSSION seems like
a good way to begin.
SINGLES GROUPS IN MADISON
Here is a summary of what I've discovered — i.e. discovered in June 2009, with today's updates [in brackets] and broken links in bold italic — about singles ministries in six
large churches in Madison.
Metro3040s — [This link has been broken - I'll search and soon will find the new page.] http://www.blackhawkchurch.org/conn/am-ac.php
BASIC (Brothers and Sisters in Christ) — [This page now has nothing about BASIC, so maybe this group has vanished? I'll web-search for it soon.] http://highpointchurch.org/343608.ihtml
Separated and Divorced Group — [another broken link] http://www.bethel-madison.org/ministries/separated_divorced.html
Prime Time: A Ministry for Those Fifty and Over (single and married) for Lake City Church — [it's now at the link for "Prime Time" below] http://www.lakecitychurch.org/cms/content/view/33/37/
[ City Church has formed by the merger of Lake City and Mad City - but I don't see any "singles ministry" in their ministries-page except for 20s/30s and their generic ministry for over-50s, Prime Time.]
none — [another broken link - sigh] http://www.crossroadscrc.org/ministries/
none — [now this is part of City Church, as explained above] http://www.madcitychurch.org/
This page (which has information-about-me earlier) is
https://educationforproblemsolving.net/macs.htm